Santa Clara, CA—

December is my favorite month – winter is fully in motion, holidays are bringing everyone closer together, and best of all, it marks the year’s end and makes way for new beginnings.

In this month, I like to take its cold weather as an invitation to be inside and reflect on how the year as been and how I have changed. I am no stranger to change and have come to accept that this is my own modus operandi. My goal is to pick new ideas and lifestyles that are helpful for me, and ruthelessly cull those which are not. Some of these lifestyles I pick up lead me down strange paths, i.e eating only eat, and sometimes are much harder than the traditional life. But, there is not a second which I would regret. I look forward to finding where this path leads and where the story will go.

Before you left, I feared that when you came back I would be a different person – not knowing what experiences in these months apart would do to me. In these months I have experienced the highest peaks and other new troughs. I can say I have changed. When we see each other again you can decide to what extent. I look forward until that day.

Au revior, princesse!

p.s. I will reserve my tellings of my travel until we meet. Until then, a preview <– (click)

Bottom of the Hill, SF—

It’s been a little over two weeks since I last saw you. At this point, I suspect you are either getting close to the end of your road trip or are in Spain. Forgive me for not knowing exactly. You are an on-the-move girl and I tend to focus where you are presently when I am with you, haha! I hope your travels have lived beyond your expectations and you continue to learn more.

Time has been going quickly here. My very good friend, Michael, from high school, moved up to San Francisco and we have been reconnecting and exploring. My car has its work cut out for it right now for how many miles I have been putting on it. Just this weekend I drove from Santa Clara to San Francisco, then to Half Moon Bay and Santa Cruz, then back to Santa Clara. Both Michael and I share a similar drive and energy which results in us getting into many serendipitous situations.

Our latest was going to a punk show at the Bottom of The Hill in SF. For context, punk was fairly big where we grew up and we found ourselves going to quite a few shows growing up. It was always quite strange because we looked out of place, haha! This time it was no different. Everybody was dressed in grungy, ripped clothing and had a thin layer of B.O. Michael was dressed in a nice collared shirt and I threw on the worst t-shirt I had but it still wasn’t grungy enough.

We went to see a band called Mannequin Pussy. They are a bit more soft-core as punk goes but they were still able to create an instant mosh pit. The band performed really well. It was a tiny venue so their energy was able to encapsulate the entire room (though I now have tinnitus in my ears since it was so loud, haha). I haven’t listened to punk music that much in the past year but I since I wanted to see this show I brushed up just enough on their songs just enough to know when things were about to heat up so I could prepare for the mosh. I enjoy experiencing the music in the mosh and interacting with the crowd. To be honest, it was a pretty sweaty but the energy was unmatched.

Mannequin Pussy met my expectations, but I was impressed by their opener, an all-girl angsty theatrical satirical group. The music wasn’t very serious but they were having a lot of fun which I enjoyed watching. They played one song of their view of dating a coffee snob which I thought was hilarious. I contrasted their lyrics with how you handled my coffee-snobbish and I couldn’t stop but enjoy the differences, haha. To that end, I do want to thank you for the delicious coffee you brought me. It is now gone but I loved it while it lasted! I hope you read the back of the package before you left because it is just as dramatic as I am! If not, I will read it back to you when I see you.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these small stories while you’re away. I am excited to hear more about your own!

Volcan Acatenango, Guatemala—

I loved the story you gave about your hike. I wanted to picture it a bit more so I wrote this poem.

She woke to begin her arduous endeavor,
heart fluttering in excitement to see anew.
From the image of herself, she would have never,
but determined is she to capture a new world view.

Step after step continuing into her ascent
the chilled air freezing her freckle-face sweat,
she wishes she had clothes halfway decent.
Onward she goes, pushing away thoughts of regret.

Hours of hiking have her whole body aching.
Both the trail and she are reaching their end.
She is almost at the point of breaking
when she sees the light just over the bend.

Languid, she takes the final steps of her climb.
All her pain now worth this moment — once in a lifetime.

Santa Cruz, CA—

I don’t like texting. It reduces what could be great conversation to a few dull short sentences. Honestly it might just be me and my own problems. But nobody is better at solving my own problems than I am. So, this is me solving it.

And what is this solution you might ask? It’s kind of like texting, messages back and forth, but this time it’s in my own territory. It’s a place where I can share my long-winded thoughts easily and expressively, and where I don’t have to use a dreaded iPhone keyboard to type (I will die on this hill).

I originally said I would present this idea to you in “a few days”. And even though every sane person in the world would agree that “a few” means exactly three, I like going against the grain and have decided that “a few” means exactly four days in this case. But it’s not all just arbitrary! I have my reasons.

I was cut a day short because, as you’ve probably noticed by peaking ahead at the photos, I spent part of my week venturing through Santa Cruz. My original plan was to meet up with my friend, Corbin, at Cowell Beach in the morning and have him teach me how to surf. Then, after an hour or so we would pack up and get working at a coffee shop (it was a workday afterall), and after I would head on home and finish this letter. But what was originally planned for a few hours turned out to be a full day endeavour.

I blame it on the magical pull that Santa Cruz has over me. It’s never part of the plan but I find myself coming here more often – each time discovering something new bringing me back for more. This time it was surfing.

The heat from the sun made walking into the ocean much easier than I expected. I had previously had somewhat of an irrational fear of the ocean, but not even after two minutes had passed I was knee-deep, board-in-hand attacking the waves. When I first got on the board I had the balance of a baby first learning how to walk. I immediately became aware of all my small balancing muscles that are severely underused in everyday life. Corbin got quite a kick out of watching me tip over and struggle to stay balanced, but luckily after some initial trial and error I was able to get the hang of it.

Over the course of a few hours I was able to successfully catch and stand up on a handful of waves. The first time I stood up it was so quick that it took me a second to even realize what was really going on. I can’t really compare the feeling to something I previously experienced, that feeling of being gently-but-forcefully pushed by an external force. I really only got a small taste of what surfing is and what it could be. It seems like there is so much still to discover; that will probably be left to the following weeks.

After surfing, Corbin invited me to his house deep in the Santa Cruz mountains. We drove halfway down Highway 17 between Santa Clara and Santa Cruz and turned into this small street which, little did I know, opened up into another world. There were miles of winding roads, beautiful homes and wineries, and mountain folk straight out of your favorite childhood story. I was shocked to find out this other world was right under my nose and I didn’t even notice it.

Come sunset we drove around to find the best view, and our search led us to the spot you see pictured. It was an absolutely beautiful view. I don’t know what it is about these scenes, but they just make me reassess my life and put everything in perspective. Looking at this view I kept thinking about how great of a day I had and how good this world has been to me. I also thought of you.

There is something about Santa Cruz that makes me think of you. When I was surfing I was reminded about your life in Hawai’i and your punny instagram handle. When I was looking upon this view I was reminded about that beautiful sunset we were lucky enough to catch. I enjoy being reminded of you.

Now that you’re gone I realize I have a choice: leave these reminders of you up to chance or be intentional about them. I hadn’t realized these choices on the day you left. It was only until after that I realized what decisions I have to make. But like other decisions in my life, I don’t want to leave this one by chance. After all, you are a good girl and I like you; that is enough for me.